Opening Day 2009

In the Devers household we have dozens if not hundreds of traditions ranging from the standard issue (opening presents on Christmas morning) to the less common (playing hooky on Opening Day) and even a few bizarre (shaking a cleaver over a limp chocolate bunny while screaming in an indistinguishable accent).

I’ve had a thing for traditions as long as I can remember (blog on traditions) and now I want to do something new with that interest. Maybe.  In an effort to feed my creative side  I’m considering writing a book on traditions, but I want to do a little test before I decide. Over the summer I want to see how many stories I can collect about traditions. If I get a good enough response then I’ll start this little side project in the fall. At the very least I figure a few of you will provide me with some quality entertainment.

If you have a tradition please email it to me or you can post it in the comments. I want to know about any type of tradition, especially if it means something to you. My definition of tradition might be a little loose. I would really consider any custom, ritual or habit great fodder for my notes. If you know of anyone that would be interested please forward this on or invite them to participate.

There is a prize!
At the end of the summer I’ll have a drawing from all of my entries for a Devers Traditions Care Package. Who knows what kind of goodies (all relating to Devers traditions)  will be shipped to the winner. Please include your contact info in the email for shipping.

To enter email your traditions to traditionsrule@gmail.com

For your entertainment (also 2009) . . .

One of my favorite ways to start a day (she's grown a little since March: click the pic to see)

pretty

Mommy can have fun socks too

Scentsy is taking over my office - BTW order your Christmas presents from me: http://clairdevers.scentsy.us/ - click picture for link

In the mirror, up the stairs, over the rail - my sweetheart

Jack loves to point out things in the clouds. This one is a little dog being chased by a lion, he says.

see

About to cut that shaggy hairdo. He grew it out for his Edward Scissorhands costume (which was awesome). I will add a bonus pic.

Auntie Carra sent pins for our trip to Disney. The kids are excited about pin trading at Disneyworld. Wednesdays ("Family Night") we have been planning our trip. FUN!

This is actually from a couple days before, but since my computer won't let me finish - I figured I would complete my 10 with it. Daddy and Jack flying kites. Makes my heart happy.

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Bonus Pic - Awesome is the best word for this.

Most kids go through a phase where they like to take things apart to see how they work, and Lone Star Music Magazine’s Clair Devers was no different. As a 12 year old, she took apart a radio piece by piece. She examined every circuit, every component to study how they all worked together to create the whole. Unlike most kids, though, she picked a radio that was in perfect working condition before she took it apart. And it wasn’t her radio. And Clair had no interest in putting it back together.

 A few decades removed from that experiment finds Clair using her same sense of intrigue on deconstructing the Texas and Red Dirt music scene. Only this time, she’ll attempt to put all of the pieces back together again for the Lone Star Music Magazine reader. She’ll take a peek inside the working pieces of the industry. What makes one venue an artist favorite over another? When does it make economic sense for a band to buy a bus? How does a beer sponsorship work?

 In addition to writing for Lone Star Music, Clair writes fiction and raises three kids in New Braunfels, TX.

 If there’s something in the Lone Star Music community you want Clair to take apart, email your suggestion to: clairatsymbolclairdeversdotcom.

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“Of course George Strait wrote ‘Desperately!’”

This is what happens when you talk music outside of the bubble, as I did recently while visiting family who don’t really look beyond Top 40 country radio for their daily musical fix.

I think of it as more of a blister than a bubble actually, because after spending the last decade working within this genre, I notice there is thick skin that separates us from the outside world. The community within the Texas/Americana music scene understands the importance of the songwriter to the whole equation in a way that makes us feel connected. And maybe it makes me feel a little superior; I know a “secret,” and even if I share my knowledge with the less enlightened, they still won’t get it.

“No. Bruce Robison wrote that song,” I corrected them. “And his version is better, too.” I knew I was more advanced, so at this point I was just showing off.

Later, when we were alone, my husband gently and delicately popped my blister. “You do know Bruce Robison didn’t write ‘Desperately’ alone, right? He co-wrote the song with Monte Warden.” Oh, snap! Time to get some moleskin.

My immediate reaction was to right this wrong and tutor myself on what songs I didn’t realize were co-writes. Having a physical copy of the CD for the artwork and inserts is a must for me and I started there. I used to love mining through my dad’s record collection, checking out the artwork and reading through all the liner notes. Even today I do the same thing, but now I have an idea of what I’m looking for. Usually I look for any musician or songwriter I recognize; that information isn’t always listed on a digital download. During the expedition to educate myself on the true writers of some of my favorite songs, I was continually surprised by the amount of co-writes. Some songs just seem too personal to come from more than one source. It made me wonder, what exactly is a co-write? For the answer, I called up the “Texas/Nashville chick,” Alicia Pruitt, who is the Senior Director of A&R at Warner/Chappell. Pruitt coordinates cowrite sessions and pitches songs for several LoneStarMusic artists on a daily basis.

“Anytime people put together ideas for a song, it’s a co-write,” Pruitt explained. “If a melody is brought in or a lyric is brought in, that still constitutes a co-write. Just because they aren’t writing the lyrics, they are still writing the music for it. We usually think of it as two people sitting down and writing — both of them having a guitar or piano and really getting down and writing the lyrics and melody all together, but that’s truly not in every case. There are so many different ways that people come up with music and lyrics and all of it is considered co-writing.”

In some cases, like with Mike McClure, co-writing has served as a lesson in the craft. “When I first started writing, I hung out with a lot of writers,” he says. “I’d go out to the Farm with my acoustic and sit in the yard playing. Some days Scott Evans would be there and we’d start working on something. Or it’d be [Bob] Childers or whoever happened to be in the mood to pick.” Early in his career, co-writing even brought McClure some national attention when Garth Brooks recorded one of his songs. “Garth changed some of the lyrics in the chorus, but didn’t credit himself so I would ‘make more money.’ It was pretty cool of him. At the time though, I thought it would have been cool to have a co-write listed with him.”

Co-write sessions also mend the lack of structure that many musicians are missing in their lives. “The most valuable thing about co-writing for me is the discipline to sit down and finish the song,” says Guy Forsyth, whose latest release, Live at Gruene Hall, features multiple co-writes with the likes of Darden Smith, Brian Keane and Mark Addison. “When I’m writing with someone it’s clear that the reason we’re there is to write a song. Some of it is out of respect for the person that I’m working with. They came here for this and gave me their time, so I’m gonna sit down and we’re gonna focus and get to a place where we can see it.”

Walt Wilkins agrees. “As you get older you have less time to write,” he explains. “Co-writing kind of insures that you get some songs done. Guy Clark even co-wrote his last few albums. You move faster and you have the energy of someone else in the room.”

Wilkins says he’s also learned more about his craft through his co-writing experiences — though early on, his lessons were more about what not to do. Having already written 30 or so songs by the time he moved to Nashville in 1992, Wilkins wasn’t anticipating the obligation of co-writing. The forced writing sessions that came with his publishing deal are something he considers a mistake in his career that existed only to satisfy what he refers to as “publisher’s math.” When an artist is paid to co-write and turn in songs regularly, the odds of writing a hit go way up. The first three years in Nashville taught Wilkins a lesson about standing up for himself and keeping his songs “pure.”

“You dilute it,” he observes. “I got numb to the fact that I was supposed to be getting hits, but it’s an art. I did want hits and I wanted to be successful, so I made that trade. But, you dilute your songs with co-writing. There are a lot of songs where I came in with what I thought was a cool idea and watched it fly in another direction. You can lose something of your own idea if you write with someone and they get excited and run in the other direction. It took a couple years to learn that and learn how to stand up for myself.” After 10 years and the end of his publishing deal, Wilkins moved back to Texas and enjoys the co-writing that he now does on his own terms with the people he chooses.

For Randy Rogers, having a publishing deal helps motivate him to fit writing into his busy schedule. “For me it’s easier to schedule when I have to write,” Rogers says. “We tour so much that I have to set aside days for writing. I’m way more disciplined now about writing. Of course I have a publishing deal now and there is a financial incentive to write a whole bunch of songs, but if money wasn’t involved I think I’m still a little bit more responsible about writing. I’ve realized that without good, new material your career ain’t goin’ nowhere.”

Co-writing keeps Rogers on task, but his publishing deal does not require the sessions. When he does cowrite, though, he seeks out people he respects. “I was writing mostly by myself in the beginning, because I didn’t really have the opportunities to write with some of the people I respected and looked up to. As our band has gotten down the road a little, opportunities to write with more people have arisen.”

Most writers have a wish-list of songwriters they would like to collaborate with. “When you work with another songwriter there is a reason you chose to work with them.” Forsyth explains. “The best reason would be that they wrote something you really liked and you thought ‘Damn, I wish I wrote that.’” One person whose name kept popping up every time I asked someone who was on their co-write wishlist was Ray Wylie Hubbard. Hubbard has a reputation for writing great songs, but he is also known for being a mentor within the Texas music community. Occasionally, like with Hayes Carll, he even takes a favorite under his wing,

“‘Like a Rolling Stone,’ ‘Blowing in the Wind,’ ‘Dead Flowers,’ ‘Memphis,’ ‘Hey Jude’ and ‘Sittin’ on the Dock of the Bay’ have already been written, so when I co-write, I don’ t have to write those,” Hubbard says. “I just have to take what’s presented by the other writer and try to write that. All of the cowrites I have done are when other writers ask to write with me, since I wouldn’t ask any one to stoop down to my level.”

Hubbard is joking, of course, but the advice he offers is still invaluable. “I enjoy spouting off about craft and inspiration and purpose and effort and removing doubt, but the best advice I can give any young writer is to read The Grapes of Wrath don’t just listen to The Ghost of Tom Joad.” 

Along with Hubbard, other writers that seem to come up over and over on co-write wish-lists were Wilkins and Kevin Welch. “The first time I wrote with Kevin, I was a little nervous as to how that was gonna go,” says Micky Braun, of Micky and the Motorcars. “It ended up being a lot of fun and gave me a good perspective on what it’s like to write with someone who’s written so many great songs.”

 Braun co-wrote the LoneStarMusic Awards song of the year, Cross Canadian Ragweed’s “51 Pieces,” with Cody Canada and Mike McClure. When two or more artists get together to write there are no real rules as to who can record it. “Sometimes it’s based on who is going in the studio next or if it’s your baby and you brought it to the table,” Braun says. “At the end of the day, if you brought it to the table then you have the final say on who records it, since it was yours in the beginning. But it doesn’t really matter (to me). If both artists want to go back to their band and put it on a record then that’s fine. There was kind of a surge of that about five years ago with Cody Canada and Randy Rogers and Wade Bowen. If you’re putting a different vibe on it then it can be pretty cool.”

Some of Rogers’ earliest co-writes were with long time friend Wade Bowen. “The first song we wrote together was ‘Lay It All on You,’” Bowen recalls. “We wrote that song across the street from Cheatham Street Warehouse. It was truly my first experience co-writing that I can remember.” Both Bowen and Rogers recorded the song and they still team up to write when they can work out the scheduling. They also reconnect for an acoustic tour together, dubbed

“Hold My Beer and Watch This,” that runs in May and June of each year. Bowen adds, “It has always been great writing with Randy. I think the biggest difference between then and now is that we have both found our sound and know when to say no to a direction. We are not afraid to tell the other that something isn’t good. But mainly we are just comfortable around each other and I think that is half the battle in a co-write.”

Finding the right fit seems to be the most challenging and rewarding part of co-writing. “If you look closely, it seems that most artists have their songwriting friend they turn to when they need good songs,” Bowen says. “They almost define a moment in the artist’s career, such as Pat Green’s when he fell in love with co-writing with Walt Wilkins. It was just magic and all who bought those albums during that time could feel the love. This is just one case. There are a million more.”

Wilkins did recall a few good things that came from his Nashville experience. “I’ve found a handful of writers that I always look forward to writing with and you get kind of a short hand between you, an unspoken mysterious set of sensibilities that you share,” he says. “Liz Rose is one of my favorites. We have fun and we laugh and we kind of know instinctively what the other is talking about. I also met Davis Raines in Nashville. We played some shows together there and I immediately knew he was one of the best songwriters alive. We write together whenever we can.”

Rogers seems to have found his perfect fit with Sean McConnell, who cowrote two songs on Rogers’ last album and will have three co-writes on the upcoming album, Burning the Day (set for an August 2010 release). “I thought it would be such a cool combo to see how Randy and Sean work together,” says Pruitt, who set up the first writing session between the two. “They are very different in their musical tastes. It worked right off the bat. They love each other and they are five for five on writing and recording. If I put two guys in a room together and both are texting me without the other knowing saying ‘this is amazing,’ then I feel like I’ve won.”

McConnell recalls the day he and Rogers co-wrote “In My Arms Instead.” “It was a really rainy and depressing day if I remember correctly,” McConnell says. “I think we were both just in that kind of mood. We were hanging out in Randy’s hotel room, staying out of the rain. That song just kind of fell out. We started playing those chord changes and the melody followed. The lyrics just echoed the vibe of that day and we went with it. It was a very easy write. I love the song we came up with.”

The songwriter isn’t usually the first thought for most listeners. “I think that the songwriter is overlooked a lot at that level when a song is an enormous hit for George Strait or Willie Nelson or those guys.” Braun says, “Of course, Willie does write a lot of his own stuff, but when it’s a big hit usually nobody knows who wrote the song and if it’s a really good song then it’s kind of a bummer that people don’t realize who actually wrote it. Like Keith Whitley. Everybody loves Keith Whitley, but nobody realizes that he didn’t write anything. But it’s still good for the writer. Their songs are out there and they’re making mailbox money.”

The general population is unaware of the songwriter and they don’t seem to mind. “It has never bothered me,” Wilkins insists. “I grew up in a songwriter culture. I knew who the songwriters were and I knew I was going to write. If someone thinks that Pat wrote ‘Poetry’ [written by Wilkins and Raines], that doesn’t bother me at all. I’m just happy that they know the song. The people who care are going to find out for themselves. I’ve never been one to care about the credit part, but . . . it is nice when you get it.”

Getting the songs out there seems to be much more important to these songwriters than having everyone know they are the writer (or co-writer) of the songs. The next time I travel outside of the blister, I hope to be a little more informed, a little less sensitive and happy for the fact that Bruce Robison and Monte Warden are collecting their mailbox money because my family likes George Strait. 

Most kids go through a phase where they like to take things apart to see how they work, and Lone Star Music Magazine’s Clair Devers was no different. As a 12 year old, she took apart a radio piece by piece. She examined every circuit, every component to study how they all worked together to create the whole. Unlike most kids, though, she picked a radio that was in perfect working condition before she took it apart. And it wasn’t her radio. And Clair had no interest in putting it back together.

 A few decades removed from that experiment finds Clair using her same sense of intrigue on deconstructing the Texas and Red Dirt music scene. Only this time, she’ll attempt to put all of the pieces back together again for the Lone Star Music Magazine reader. She’ll take a peek inside the working pieces of the industry. What makes one venue an artist favorite over another? When does it make economic sense for a band to buy a bus? How does a beer sponsorship work?

 In addition to writing for Lone Star Music, Clair writes fiction and raises three kids in New Braunfels, TX.

 If there’s something in the Lone Star Music community you want Clair to take apart, email your suggestion to: clairatsymbolclairdeversdotcom.

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“You definitely missed your turnoff by about 10 miles … just head on back and take 12 through Wimberley. You’ll be here in no time.”

 That missed turn was the prettiest detour I’ve ever taken. I was heading to the Zone recording studio by invitation of Walt Wilkins to watch as he and John Greenberg work on the new Mystiqueros album. During the drive I recalled the first time I heard about the Zone, in the summer of 2007, when both Wilkins and Lloyd Maines (separately) bragged about the treasure they had found. Maines was producing the Mystiqueros’ first record (Diamonds In The Sun) and Wilkins convinced him to try a new place; they were both smitten with the studio. From that moment on, it seems that word of the Zone spread through the Texas music terrain as it became a preferred location for producers such as Maines, Wilkins, Ray Wylie Hubbard, and Keith Davis. The Zone has been the studio for hundreds of projects found on the shelves of Lone Star Music, including artists such as Cory Morrow, The Flatlanders, Terri Hendrix, Robert Earl Keen, Los Lonely Boys, Brandon Rhyder, Josh Grider, Texas Renegade, Wayne Hancock, 1100 Springs, Jerry Jeff Walker, Jason Boland, Band of Heathens, Bruce Robison and many more.

 I’m not a musician, but I’m kind of a big deal in the world of recording studio extras. I was an offbeat hand clapper on the hidden track of the Groobees’ Buy One Get Eleven Free back in 2001. A year or two later, I sang a line (along with a room full of people) about weirdos at the end of Randy Rogers’ “Plastic Girl” (also a hidden track). And my personal favorite extras moment was singing “mush” for Brennen Leigh’s version of “North to Alaska.” With all this experience

under my belt, I can say I was impressed from the moment I pulled up to The Zone. The first thing I noticed was how quiet and peaceful it is. “It sits on 18 acres of oak trees, there’s never any foot traffic and people don’t just come by and pop in to shoot the breeze,” Maines says. Being out in the country is, not surprisingly, a big attraction for a lot of artists in Texas. “Every artist has his/her

wish list when it comes to making a new piece,” says Brandon Rhyder. “I want a laid back approach. I’m a country boy, so it felt good to step out of the studio into the country.”

 It’s hard to believe that so many people told Mike Morgan no one would come out to the country to record while he was building his studio on the Dripping Springs property where he also built his family home back in 1996. But despite the naysayers, he did it anyway. For more than a decade, Morgan had run his studio, The Barn, out of a converted dairy barn in Austin. But after a noisy airport was built nearby, he decided to take his years of experience and knowledge about not only operating a studio but working with bands and sound companies and open a new recording facility a little farther from the crowds. And so was born the Zone.

 “Mike Morgan designed and built that studio himself,” says Maines. “He made the walls thicker and put more insulation in them than you would normally have because he wanted to make it real sound proof, so the noise wouldn’t disturb the neighbors and the neighbor noise (cars/dogs) wouldn’t get on the mic.”

 When I (finally) arrived, I noticed the actual building, constructed of rustic cedar and stone, is modest in size and barely a few steps in the door I landed in a command central spot from which you can see almost everything. Cory Morrow told me that he considers this a bonus, as “it forces you to keep an eye on everything, and everybody’s right in front of you, so constantly you can see

all that is going on.” There is an eclectic aesthetic (including images of Jesus, Jim Morrison, Miles Davis and beyond) that has something for everyone and inspires a creative vibe. Morrow calls it “Soulistic Feng Shui.”

 The main recording area is an oversized studio room with ultra-high ceilings and a few booths filled with top-of-the-line gear. The elevation of the ceiling — as well as the first-rate stereo room mic mounted high on the wall — helps creates the amazing drum sound that draws Morrow and so many others to record at the Zone. “The drums came across solid and compact, very tight,” Morrow says. “Everything sounded big and loud and as bold as you could want it to. The warmness of it is the key. You just get really good sounds in that room.

 ” The room design is a big part of the drum sound, but another vital factor is Pat Manske, the man sitting at command central. Manske started honing his engineering skills by recording his own bands in his Mom’s barn on a four track and gradually added more equipment to his collection. He joined the Zone in 2002 to help fill in while Morgan traveled abroad for another business in which he was involved. In 2003, Manske became Morgan’s partner and operating manager, giving Morgan a little more time to work with his own band: Flounders Without Eyes. The fact that Manske is a drummer, playing regularly with the Flatlanders, would also be a contributing factor to his success. But he credits the bulk of his knowledge to his mentor: renowned drummer Pat Mastelotto (King Crimson, Mr. Mister, XTC). “He lives here in Dripping Springs and does a

lot of his drumming here,” Manske says. “Many years ago he would bring his own engineer and they would do really wild things with the drums that I would never think of. Where they would place the mics and what mics they would use influenced me a lot.”

 “Pat has an unbelievable sense of rhythm and a great ear. And he is just . . . fast, ” says Ray Wylie Hubbard. Fast, efficient and accurate are words I heard over and over to describe Manske, as I talked with regulars from the Zone. “Pat is absolutely one of the best,” Maines says. “He’s so quick and you never have to wait on him. He has great ears, great technical knowledge and he doesn’t waste any time. Most people — the ones who record around this part of the country for

sure — have a pretty small budget. It’s important that you have an engineer that doesn’t waste time and get hung up on getting things plugged in and going. He’s fast and accurate and doesn’t cut corners.”

 Great sound is the most important thing an artist can expect to get out of a recording session, but that can’t be achieved unless the right tone has been set. “Mike makes sure you have everything you need from the moment you call to book the studio time until you leave.” Wilkins says. Maines agrees. “Mike is such an accommodating guy. If there’s a piece of equipment out there that he doesn’t have that you need, he will either borrow it, buy it or round it up some way.”

 Note that “piece of equipment” can mean literally anything, conventional or not, that an artist might want to capture just the right sound for a recording.

 “Ray Wylie Hubbard asked me if I had any nuts and bolts,” Morgan says. “I told him I might have some at my shop and I returned with a bag full. Ray took it from me and started to shake it and dropped it on the ground. He looked at me and smiled and said ‘perfect.’ That bag of nuts and bolts, along with a cardboard box and a stick, were used for percussion on the Band of Heathens song ‘Cornbread.’ Ray would drop the bag on the floor and pick it up and drop it again. He was right, it was perfect and sounded great.”

 “I just wanted something that would sound different every time I used it,” Hubbard explains. “Something dirty and gritty, and that was just right.”

 There’s more to the Zone, though, than just the recording studio and its skilled staff. In 2007, Morgan and his wife, Janet, helped their daughter convert (and add to) the home on their Dripping Springs property, creating Memory Lane Event Center. Used primarily for weddings, the unique set up includes a massive covered pavilion, a beautiful swimming pool with a view of the gardens and Hill Country landscape, a modern rustic lodge that accommodates up to 15 people, and two small fully equipped efficiency apartments. All of this is a three-minute walk from the Zone and the musicians are invited to use the pool and can rent the efficiency apartments for about the same amount they would pay to stay in an Austin hotel room. According to Morgan, Peter Rowan liked to stay in the apartment by the pool, which he had dubbed the “Bungalow.” Robert Earl Keen, on the other hand, prefers his quarters in the groom suite, which is closest to the studio. “That way he could just get up and walk right down to get to work,” Morgan says.

 Some of the artists enjoy the ability to bring their family with them. “Mike took Luke (my son), on a walk around the property to see the horses and donkeys,” Wilkins says. Rhyder adds, “One of the reasons I wanted to record near home was to have the family nearby so they could be a part of the experience with me. When I wasn’t needed, we’d slip off to the pool and I’d get to play with the kids and relax a bit. It definitely made the whole process easier on me. It’s hard to concentrate when you’re missing those who mean the most to you.”

 Manske says his own family sometimes comes out to the studio to spend his break swimming in the pool together. “Robert Earl Keen brought his wife and kids out,” he adds. “And Jack Ingram came in to work on a single for Christmas (‘Auld Lang Sine’) with his family and his son wouldn’t

let him sing. He would just scream and scream for him. He ended up holding him while he sang. So there he was, a kid in one hand and a lyric sheet in the other, singing his ass off.”

 Quite often the bands will invite their family and folks who helped with an album out to the Zone for a wrap party in the pavilion or the lodge to celebrate completion and listen to the final mix. “The Flatlanders had a great one,” Morgan says. “I’ve been a huge fan of Joe, Jimmie and Butch for years. They brought their wives and Butch brought his kids. It turned out that one of my daughters was Butch’s kid’s teacher in Wimberley. My wife made an incredible dinner for all and wine flowed. As always after dinner we all moved from the house to the pavilion to have everyone listen to the new CD, Hills and Valleys, for the first time. With everyone talking, drinking and enjoying hanging out together, the new CD went around at least three times.”

Some parties stretch beyond an intimate crowd, as did the celebration for Rose Hotel. Keen told everyone in a speech that it was his first wrap party. “Everyone from his management office in Kerrville, all of the C3 Management team, his team from William Morris Agency and a handfulof close friends,” says Morgan, recalling the guest list. “Of course Lloyd Maines and his wife, Tina, were there, and Pat and his wife. You could tell everyone was really excited about it. Every song that went by got everyone more excited. Lots of smiles and laughter and discussion about what the first single should be.”

 As I was standing in the pavilion imagining Ely clinking wine glasses with Hancock, it all seemed perfect. That feeling compounded on my beautiful drive home as I rewound my day of touring the Zone and watching Wilkins and Greenberg make their art with the help of Manske and Morgan. The reason I started this adventure was to find out what made this studio special or different from the norm, and I realized that, as with most things, a recording studio is much more than the cedar and stone structure or the fancy equipment. To make it work it needs the right people and a little Soulistic Feng Shui.

#1 – learn to swim 

Like most things there is another side to the coin. Lists are not always good; in fact some lists can damage your perception and mess with your head. Starting from the beginning though – with the good lists . . . At a very young age, I was in charge. I was in charge of myself and my brother (5 years younger) and honestly I didn’t mind, because I didn’t really know better. It seemed kind of natural to be bossy and in charge. Of course not too many seven-year-olds are prepared to raise a two-year-old. This is probably why my brother never really developed his coping skills. My parents were way too young to have children. I’m not sure my mother ever got there and though my dad did finally reached an acceptable maturity level when I was in my early teens, it was too late. Dad and I created a new relationship and bond, but I had been in charge too long to go back. When you are in a situation like that you adapt and I did it with lists. All kinds of lists. Some were never put on paper and those are the dangerous lists.

I wasn’t ever officially diagnosed with attention deficit disorder, but I suspected and as an adult my doctor agrees.  These lists helped me untangle the web in my head and contribute successfully or at least adequately. For me, it can best be described as having literally hundreds of thoughts at one time with the important ones being no louder than the mundane. I used to try to do something the moment I thought of it and before I was finished I would have thought of something else needing my attention and move on with the full intent to come back (sometimes I did). Eventually I learned to empty my thoughts onto paper and take things one at a time. I still do this, but not in a very organized way. I have about 6 regularly used notebooks, a grocery list on the fridge, several to-do notepads in a drawer and two list apps on my phone. I’m sure a consolidation is in order. Either way, it’s safe to say, my ADD helped me learn to organize (or try) my thoughts into lists. Good lists.

 About seven years ago, I was a having huge argument with my live in boyfriend (now husband) and it seemed to me we were going break up any day because we squabbled regularly – almost daily – and I was sure it was because he was a jerk (sometimes he was and still can be). I have no memory of the actual fight, but he had stormed off down our street and I had sobbed my way to my computer to look for a way to fix him on the Internet.

I was sure we were codependent and I thought I knew what that word meant. I thought it meant we were addicted to each other even though we were awful for each other. The Internet was pissing me off. It wasn’t finding a way to fix my boyfriend. Then I found a survey about codependence and I started answering the questions. At first I felt like quite a martyr answering “yes” to questions like: Are you always sacrificing your own needs for everyone else? Do you feel more worthy as a human being because you have taken on a helping role? If you stopped helping your friends, would you feel guilty or worthless?

Then something happened. I was still answering yes to questions like: Do you feel resentful when others are not grateful enough to you for your efforts at rescuing them or fixing their lives? Did you grow up in a family that had a lot of emotional chaos or addiction problems? Do you keep mental lists of “good deeds and favors”, becoming very hurt when they are not repaid? And there is it – bad lists. As I sat there crying and reading, the more I read the more I realized I was right about one thing; I was co-dependent. I made bad lists. I kept a score on everything. Every visit or phone call by one of my parents was a tick mark on a list representing who cares more. Every compliment from my boyfriend was erased by each negative comment or by things he didn’t do for me. My whole life was a giant scorecard.

It was a pivotal moment in my life to recognize these bad lists and all the other things my research turned up. Before I could begin to repair things, I had to acknowledge first why I had become this begrudging caretaker in the first place and to do that I had to visit some bad places.

In simple terms, a codependent personality is born out of the responses and behaviors people develop from living with an alcoholic or substance abuser. And for the majority of my life from age 7-13 (with little gaps of sanity at my dad’s house) and sporadically until I bailed at 17, I was in charge. In charge of myself. In charge of my little brother. And in charge of my alcoholic mother. There were many bad situations she put me in that ended, not surprisingly, bad. I poured her into bed numerous times. Some of these were after sitting in the bar watching her drink all night and then driving her home before I was old enough to drive (then going to school in the morning and sleeping at my desk).

Most holidays ended with disaster. Like on November 28^th, 1985, when my twelfth birthday just happened to fall on Thanksgiving. As with most holidays, the day started with Mom sleeping late and waking in a decent mood. She doting a little about my birthday and the amazing feast she was going to make us (me, little brother, and her Spanish speaking husband from the restaurant where she worked). We had little money and all four of us lived in a tiny one bedroom, I didn’t expect too much, mostly her cooking and her attention. I spent some time with my Aunt Diane, who lived next door, and she gave me this super gaudy, huge owl necklace that was made out of brass hinged layers. She likely got it from the goodwill where she worked, but I didn’t care – I loved it. It was too big for me and it covered half my upper torso and I wore it proudly like an Oscar attendee would show off their jewelry or maybe more like a medieval knight in his chainmail.

When I arrived back home I could smell the turkey right away; my mother is an amazing cook. As I made my way the short distance to the kitchen, I began to recognize the signs: sleeping step-dad on the couch with a glass in his hand, empty bottle on the end-table, slurring speech as my mom sang along with the blaring music. When she saw me, she smiled and said, “check this shit out, it’s almost ready,” as she pulled open the oven and reached in with her bare hands. The alcohol slowed her reflexes and she didn’t release the pan until she was a full foot away from the oven. Turkey and stuffing went in one direction and she fell backwards the other direction smashing into me  and ripping my owl armor off, sending it in pieces all over the kitchen. I spent the rest of the day tending her wounds and tucking her in, salvaging some of the meal for my little brother and trying to fix my necklace.

I don’t tell these stories much, I guess because I’m embarrassed and I don’t like people to feel sorry for me, but it’s important to my point. Where did the bad lists come from? The coping skills I developed to deal with my mom created really bad habits for dealing with the rest of mankind. I usually surrounded myself with broken people and tried to fix them. Especially boys. The worst of which was an 18-month abusive relationship with a guy who had more problems then I could have ever helped, but I was convinced I had to try. I was sure that was love. In fact, not giving up on someone was what I thought love was. Finally late one night I drove bleeding and barefoot to my best friend’s house only to discover she wasn’t home. Her sleepy mom brought me in, calmed me down and cleaned up some of my wounds. She gave me a responsible talk that mothers give their daughters (it was new to me) and offered me some solutions including a room to stay for a few months. I’m sure I gave her all kinds of good check marks on my scorecard.

After I revisited the breadcrumb path on which I had collected all these habits, I was able to recognize that no matter what kind of jerk my boyfriend might be I had bigger problems and I could only fix myself. It was hard to let go of some of these habits. Being codependent isn’t always bad. In fact, codependents are probably the hardest working employees you can have. I was promoted in every job I ever had. People love to give more responsibility to codependents, because they can take it all. As a boss, I even looked for some of the signs when I hired people. That’s bad, I know. 

I had to make some serious changes and the biggest thing was giving up lists. Lists were what I knew. They had held me together my whole life. Luckily I only had to give up the bad lists. My scorekeeper records had to be deleted. If I helped a friend move twice, I could not allow myself to think they “owed” me. If I didn’t have time to help someone who had helped me in the past, I had to say “no” and let it go. I had to realize that everything didn’t have to be even. There was a lot of work I had to do beyond lists, but that is probably the habit that tries to inch it’s way back in the most.

My husband (who is not a jerk afterall) and I often talk about “the other side of the coin”. The things we love most about each other are usually also the things that can bug us. He is so passionate about the things he loves that it can ooze from his every pore and infect everyone with his great mood and humor, but he is also passionate about the things he hates. And that can be ugly. The habits our kids have that can drive us nuts might actually be their biggest strengths as an adult. I like to hope that when Emily is an adult, her stubbornness will translate to an unwillingness to bend her values and beliefs. When I reflect on my own habits and personality, it’s hard to ignore my ambivalent affair with lists. These days, I stick with the good lists – they seem to bring out the best of me.

Nothing is more grating than the sound of my voice played back on any recording device. I usually comfort myself with the notion that through some high tech trickery my voice has been altered and in reality I sound like a slightly Texan version of Kathleen Turner. I call this process self-acceptance through delusion and it works for me. The last several weeks have been spent transcribing numerous interviews I conducted for a column I write and it’s been horrible and intriguing at the same time. My interviewing mistakes are undeniable and the sad thing is, I know better. Between the copious amounts of journalism classes (even in my teenage summers) to the time I spent working my way up the ladder of a prestigious market research company, and even from being the only person who did the hiring interviews for LSM the first six years, I really do know better.

Being able to conduct a quality interview can be helpful far beyond journalism. Even a computer programmer needs to be able to ask the right questions and find out what his end users need, but usually that is impossible, and they have to hire an interpreter (an interviewer). I have decided to list out some things that I have found to be important to the interviewing process. Some are my strengths, but I have also included my weaknesses. I listed these mostly as related to journalism (specifics are music related in my examples), but I feel like this translates to many situations. If you take nothing else from this, the main thing you need to learn is how to listen.

Choose an objective then be flexible with it – You know the reason you are interviewing this person. They are either the subject of the story or an expert on it. When you come up with your questions consider what your initial direction is and if the interview takes you somewhere else, be prepared to dump your questions.
Example: When writing about co-writing I thought I would be writing about friendships and instruction and found out there was an actual obligation for some writers to co-write. I had to change all my questions before I interviewed further.

Do your homework – Research the person you are interviewing. You should know at least the basics of their bio or they will be insulted that you have not done your homework.
Example: If you ask someone what CDs they have recorded, they will know you haven’t researched them. They will likely “check out” and not take you seriously.

Prepare – Have your questions and voice recorder ready.
Example: I knew I would be getting a call at some point in a 2-hour period for an interview. I hopped in my car to run a quick errand and the call came. I had to wing it and write notes on the back of my mail. Also – test the recorder and check the battery level.

Schedule smartly – Make sure you have ample time set aside.
Example: Don’t try to interview Bob Dylan ten minutes before you have to pick up your kids.

Do not use your questions as a script (listen and probe)  – You should only prepare a few questions and they should be open ended. Avoid “yes” and “no” questions. Your questions should serve as a tool to get an interview going or keep it on track, but more specific questions will come from the answers. If you concentrate too hard on the questions you have prepared, you might not be focusing on the answers and this will hinder you ability to probe further. Try to find a question directly related to the answer you were given or simply ask for more.
Example: If someone gives you a brief answer there is probably more. Say things like “why is that?” or “can you tell me anymore about that?” or even “I see” and continue to do this until the answer is truly revealed.
(note: This is really a personal interview style choice. I know people who lay out the entire interview as a script and are still successful)

Find confidence –An initial reaction when interviewing is to feel that the person you are interviewing is “put out” to give you an interview and you might shy away from questions. Remember that you are likely interviewing about something they are an expert on. Most people enjoy talking about the things they love.

Be direct – If you know exactly what you’re after, you can tell them.
Example: If you only need a quote on their feelings about smoking in bars, then tell them that.

Avoid clichés, but still ask the obvious when you need to: Some questions are so overdone. Try to avoid asking those, but that doesn’t mean you have to make all the questions complex or deep.
Example: asking an artist who they are influenced by is way overdone, but if you notice that they seem to be influenced by a specific person you could ask about that.

Allow awkward silence – If there is a pause the interviewee could be reflecting. Hold off on your instincts to fill the silence for comfort sake. Usually they will add to the point or give more information even if it is to fill the silence themselves.

Don’t interject yourself or validate the answers – It is human nature to give your opinions in a conversation or to let someone know when you agree with them. Try not to do this as it might derail the interview or skew the answers.
Example: I am the worst at this. When you completely get what the interviewee is saying it is hard not to tell your own story to relate or to say something like “You are so right!” – but you shouldn’t do this. It can get the interview way off track and you might influence their future answers. People can’t help seeking approval and they could answer differently in hopes of again seeking your approval. Weird, huh?

Save hard questions for the end or go back to unanswered questions – People are usually more comfortable toward the end of the interview. Sometimes I find if I add one more question at the end, that is the true winner. Try it. It’s also a good time to clarify or re-ask a question that might not have been answered fully.

Contact Info: When you complete the interview and thank them for their time, also ask if you can get a phone number or email address for possible follow up questions. Sometimes fact checking can be so much easier when you can go directly to the source.

Transcribe Quickly: Transcribing is the worst. If you do it right away, then you will remember things and it will go by faster without as much rewinding and stopping. A friend of mine told me I should count on 3 minutes of transcribing for each minute of interviewing – this is something else to keep in mind if you are only interviewing to get one quote.

Even if I could afford to pay someone to transcribe for me, I don’t know that I could live with another person hearing my recorded voice make so many obvious blunders. For that reason I will continue to transcribe my own extra long interviews and try to learn from my mistakes. I guess that means my goal is to be good enough that one day, I won’t be ashamed to pay someone to transcribe for me!

Cell phone pic - Loving Monkey's bike leash. We try to go for a ride everyday.

Picked up the cake from Jessicakes - combined we have a lot of kids!

Jessica made a yummy chocolate rasberry cake with less than one day notice. She rocks.

I have put this fortune in the trash 3 times. It has found it's way out 3 times.

MWD reading the letters the kids wrote to Rachel Robinson. We learned about Jackie Robinson (#42) all week and they told him all about it as part of his birthday. He was touched (and impressed).

Noah took this. Me & my Jack-a-doo

balloons + mexican buffet = gross

Happy Birthday, MWD!

You can solve the problem of photography background noise in two easy steps:

#1 – Pay Attention To Detail.

#2 – Move Yourself.

I’m a voyeur. Looking at pictures is one of my favorite things to do and I don’t even have to know the people in them. Sometimes I spend hours hopping from site to site looking at photos that catch my eye. Most of the photos I’m intrigued by are ordinary snapshots from everyday life. But, I also have a really annoying habit of ruining a perfectly good picture by noticing the background. I think that before I notice the subject, I notice the pile of unwashed dishes or the giant dump truck in the background of a photo and immediately it is tainted in my eye.

I am not a professional, but I feel like the fact that I take an average of 175 pictures a week (really), mostly for recreation, gives me some self proclaimed right to give little bits of advice. Background noise doesn’t bother everyone, but it bothers me – so here I go.

#1 – Pay Attention to Detail
This advice works in all areas of your life, but in photography it is key. It’s much more simple that you think. When you look through the viewfinder, try to notice EVERYTHING. Not only your subject, but anything that will show up in your shot.

#2 – Move Yourself
I think sometimes people are worried they will ruin the moment by asking their subject to move or reposition themselves and sometimes that is true. But, you can almost always move yourself and still avoid the background mess. Even if it is just a matter of zooming in closer to your subject.

To give some examples I headed out the door this afternoon with 2/3 of my kids and our pooch. It was a yucky cloudy day and none of these are great shots, but I think this might help illustrate my point. I took one picture with a distracting background and then leaving my subject in the same spot, I moved myself and took another crack at it.

Power Lines

We started out walk by an intersection with a zillion power lines. Even out of focus they are a distraction.

By simply standing a little taller and moving myself to the right, most of the lines are taken out. Normally I would threaten my children to look happier, but this was an experiment, so I cut her some slack.

Signs

Even though this sign is kind of fitting for my kids, it is a distraction.

By moving (myself) to the left, I avoided the background noise. I consider the fence and post both fine as they are an element of the photo.

Construction

The park by our house has been "under construction" since before we moved. Doesn't look close to finished either. Not a nice background.

Stepping closer to my little moster and changing my angle eliminates the distraction (unless patchy grass distracts you - I think Hank Hill would shudder).

 Construction Fence

Orange Fence = BAD! And the fence post looks like an antenna coming from her head.

I stepped closer and changed my angle and way less distraction (more patchy grass).

 Trash Cans

Trash Can - Oh how I hate a trash can background. Seething.

I moved to the other side of the table and it's all better.

 More Construction

That damn orange fence!

I'll take houses over orange construction fence any day!

In this instant gratification world everything is digital or heading that direction. I don’t have to go rent a movie – I can download it. Instead of waiting until I have time to go buy a CD or order it online – I can download it. And now with Kindle, iPad and the other gadgets, books are digital too. This is where I draw the line.

An unexplainable calmness sets in when I touch a book. Probably engrained in my memory from a life of loving and respecting books. The only time my Grandpa Jim ever spanked me was for dog-earing pages in my own book. “We have to respect books; they hold our history and should outlast us by generations.” He told me. I didn’t understand it then, but I do now.

Books aren’t only how I relax; they are an extension of myself. This feeling goes beyond the printed words and stories into the visceral components. When I hold a book my left hand braces the spine with my thumb folded in front to keep my place. As my eyes approach the end of the right page the neurons flare and my right index finger instinctively slides behind the page in preparation to turn without allowing the tale to miss a beat. Paper has a sensual side that has been taken for granted with centuries of availability and service.

The practical purposes of ebooks are not lost on me, but it’s not the same and it never will be. If my own history is to repeat then eventually I will succumb and the thought of this makes me sad. I owned a record store for years, but still occasionally (not always) when I think of a song I want on my iPod I cannot wait to buy the CD filled with seven songs of which I feel lukewarm toward and four that I love. Like most everyone else, I download the songs I want and move on. Even though I have followed the sheep, I still miss the tangible CD. I miss the artwork and the credits and the individuality that is expressed within. I have seen the choices that go into making them first hand and even the style of packaging tells you something about the artist.

It seems a little ironic for me to admonish the transition to digital books as just yesterday I was in deep battle with my husband over something quite opposite. He is a pupil/follower of Dan Kennedy who is a business/marketing genius. Although I am not nearly as involved as MWD, I read Dan’s time management book and got a lot out of it. MWD recently subscribed (again – he used to years ago) to Dan’s newsletter and he checks the blog daily. I was amazed that Dan’s newsletter is a physical snail mail package. Years ago when I read his book, I learned the Dan did not adhere to the digital world of email and other forms of electronic communication; he did most of his work with faxes. That was so long ago that I assumed that by now he had grown with the times, but I was wrong. According to MWD, Dan still uses faxes and someone else deals with the email and web work. I thought about how much time, money and paper that Dan could save by sending his newsletter in an email and I voiced this opinion to MWD who immediately rebuked that I “just didn’t get it.” He tried to explain to me how it’s not the same and it doesn’t translate, but he was right: I don’t get it. I should though, because I have no intention of reading my books on anything but paper.

When my sweet Sadie died after sticking by me for twelve years, I told MWD we could have a dog break. We would wait until there were no more diapers in the house and we had a fenced in yard again. That was about 7 years ago and the time finally came to get our family a dog. I searched the listing for a few weeks and finally found our little Monkey. She is the cutest little boxer you ever saw and smart too, even if I do call her “Dummy” at least twice a day.

Now that I have a Puppy, I remember all the things I forgot. So if you are thinking about getting a puppy, let me remind you of a few things:

1. Unlike babies who have a diaper on, puppies poop and pee on the floor and have to be housebroken. This means constant supervision for weeks. It means getting up in the middle of the night if they can’t hold it in the crate all night.

2. Puppies whine just like babies. When crated (at first) they whine and fuss like you are stabbing them with pins. They also screech when put outside in the cold for more than 30 seconds.

3. Puppies have to be trained; they know nothing. Sit, come, bed, outside, breakfast – these words mean nothing to the little minds of mush.

4. Puppies chew on everything. This includes (especially) human hands and feet. And even if you correct it every damn time and give them a toy, they still feel the need to chew and you have to wait it out.

5. Puppies terrorize the family cat. Poor Gracie hasn’t had it easy since Monkey came to town.

6. Puppies have horrible gas.

7. Puppies need exercise even when it’s raining.

The good news is that #1- #4 will definitely get better and maybe even #5. Tough luck on #6 & #7. I realize this is all an investment and a year from now I will have a happy little Monkey that fits right in our family, but this is harder than I remembered. And it’s work.

Emily summed it all up perfectly the other morning. She was sleepily trying to make her toaster waffles when Monkey kept biting at her shoes and tearing up her laces. After shooing her off for 10 minutes, she screamed at the top of her lungs, “MONKEY!” Then she spun around with a burning venomous look that immediately disappeared when her eyes made contact with that little cocked puppy face, “How can I stay mad at you, look at that cute little face.”